Admit it. When someone or something impresses you twice in a row at your very first introduction, there’s a pretty good chance that you’re gonna remember that person/thing for at least a few seconds more. One recent additions to my own twisted sponge of a memory includes, of all things, The Telecrapper 2000. Now before you pass judgement, let me explain…
THE TELECRAPPER 2000
TELEMARKETER INTERCEPTION SYSTEM
First and foremost, that this product even exists is a thing of supreme beauty. And that it exists for the reason it does (i.e. to combat declining American productivity) is a truly wonderful thing.
You see, the Telecrapper 2000 is an absolute feat of sprawling urban appeal. For years, computer enthusiasts have pocket-protected their way through the mess of big-city living with almost equally nerdish inventions. But in the year 2000, everything suddenly changed. The right kids finally caught wind of the ground-breaking Telecrapper. And the rest — as they say — is history.
Imagine this: it’s the early afternoon on your only day off. You are obviously still in bed. The phone rings. After the fifth piercing string of tooth-gnawing tones, you literally wake up and want to kill somebody. Enter the Telecrapper 2000!
Installed on any home computer, the Telecrapper 2000 actually screens your calls from a list of suspicious incoming numbers, all customized to your local area and personal phonebook. At that point, the software literally picks up the phone, and in lieu of an answering message it plays back an MP3 of your choice.
To illustrate: Michael is a rare North American 17 year-old who can actually speak with nearly proper diction (he still slurs his “w’s” and “z’s” when he’s out “wit the boyz”). Michael hates his job but it pays fairly well, and there’s absolutely no commission involved (his employer collects clothes for the poor). After his 1,284th “customer service correspondence” that month, he dials into your home line. On the other end of his $10 Chinese headset, as he’s just about to lay into a 30-second diatribe on the number of inner-city kids without shoes, his jaw visibly drops as the sound of vintage 60’s hardcore porn starts streaming into his ear. What’s important here isn’t what you choose to play, of course. What’s important is that you now have a choice. So how does one stumble across The Telecrapper anyway?
Just this afternoon i was browsing through a list of past visitors to the site when i picked up the scent of an interested reader. As it turns out, they lingered around el diario racional for close to ten minutes before shooting off to another random Google-hosted blog. With a distinct curiosity about our recent new guest, I decided to find out more.
second impressions
The important thing about the Telecrapper was not its underlying content on functionality, but that it resonated with me in a meaningful way for the second time in as many minutes. First, I was able to find out about a site that one of my visitors had frequented only minutes after my own. Then, having browsed to that site in curious pursuit, I found an extremely entertaining article on the ongoing challenges of “American productivity”. Put the two together and…voila! A near-term memory is formed. Both items have been indelibly seared into my mind for god knows how long. They managed to beat out thousands of other environmental stimuli to make their way into my world. And considering how much effort people put into being remembered these days, it seems odd that more people don’t get it right.
In essence, it is our very first impression, either reinforced or left to flounder, that creates and destroys our recent memory. If you want to be remembered for anything at all in this world, as the competition continues to grow for our limited sensory capacity, knowing only one thing well doesn’t cut it any more.
Today’s websites are uninspired if they don’t offer a broad range of provocative content. Today’s fashion experts are uninspired if they don’t understand how clothes are really made. Today’s engineers are uninspired if they don’t understand how people interact with their environments. Today’s musicians are uninspired if they don’t provide a meaning within their message. Today’s doctors are uninspired if they don’t embrace a more holistic approach to patient well-being. Today’s business leaders are uninspired if they aren’t socially self-aware.
Essentially, the bar has been lifted. The only way out of the vicious cycle of social anonymity is to learn something new about the world and then share it with everyone else. It’s to peer outside that over-used proverbial box and grow yourself another dimension. To develop some practical depth. To climb out from behind your own shadow. To literally plunge yourself into knowledge and emerge a new person, one that glows with insight and culture for all around to see, and more importantly, remember.
Sometimes that memory might involve The Telecrapper 2000, and sometimes it might involve the remaking of the modern world. At the very least, you’ll end up knowing more about yourself, and as far as I’m concerned, that’s never a bad thing.